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“They say love hurts but I know its gonna take real work.” -Beyonce “Love On Top” song

Listening to Beyonce’s love on top song got me thinking about healthy relationships and how they are depicted in popular culture. I often think that certain love songs paint love as this effortless endeavor and are fluffy and unrealistic at best. Songs and movies that show happy couples being “everything” their spouses needed without betraying themselves and doing so with a smile on their face seemed like pure fiction to me.

This idea of “betrayal of self” is the most fascinating part. Many popular movies, songs and books all depict mainly female characters behaving in ways that clearly betray and compromise their self-worth and integrity for the sake of love. The question that comes to my mind goes like this: Is major self sacrifice a fair indicator of HEALTHY love? To put it clearly does healthy love have to have soul crushing, pain inducing sacrifices as a feature? Most popular movies and shows would answer yes. They readily depict people having to choose between their lover and their family, or choose between their career and their partner, or between their mental/emotional health and pursuing their partner, or my favorite of all – having to choose between keeping their LIFE or living without their partner (Twilight/Romeo and Juliet). Where are the depictions of relationships were people bring out the best in one another like the one described in the song “Love on Top”? I believe and have experienced that healthy love improves the quality of a person’s character not diminishes it. Therefore, I feel the need to explore the difference between “compromise” and “betraying one’s self” in a relationship. They have a thin line drawn between them and often are confused for one another (a fact that movies LOVE to take advantage of). But, that’s for next times blog post until then I feel ending with my favorite quotes about healthy love is appropriate:

“Some one who is worthy of your love will never put you in a situation where you feel you must sacrifice your dignity, your integrity, or your self worth to be with them”.